Greetings to you!
How are you doing today? That is a loaded question when you’re feeling depressed. Congratulations for being here, because you have faced the idea that you may be feeling depressed. Over the last few weeks I have been feeling rather off. I have been quickly angered, frustrated, anxious, and just not finding the motivation to do much of anything except for the minimum to keep my household functioning. Can you relate to any of this? Today is my first day to face the fact that I have been depressed.
Am I Under Attack?
As a believer in God, I have felt over the last few weeks and even months that I have been attacked with negativity!! Even if you do not believe maybe you just feel attacked with negative thoughts from your own thoughts and the responses from others. From not finding the motivation or inspiration to get what you need done, getting angry or frustrated over things that you normally would not, and just not feeling like you are the person you used to be or want to be. Just to curl up and cry.
I am a stay at home mom of 3 children. My youngest is still at home with me, and my other two go to school. Working 12 hour nights, sometimes it seems like my husband just sleeps when he is home. Usually, I am ok when he sleeps because he works so hard for his family and he does help with the home when he has days off, but lately it seems like his sleeping has just irritated and frustrated me to the point of starting unnecessary arguments. His questions to me about not getting things done around the house were his attacks on me for not being a good mother. That’s the way I saw it.
When my two older children get home from school I have them help with some chores around the house. I’ve tried to get them to keep their rooms clean, and when they keep their grades up we buy them treats or something they want. It has come to my attention that over the last few weeks I have been much harder on them than I should be. They have asked me why I’m so angry…which has actually been a response from my personal frustrations with myself. Until today, I had thoughts that they seem ungrateful for what I do for them, they don’t do anything to help, and they have no respect for me.
Slowly I have been trying to build a business online so that I can bring in my own contribution to our family income. Over the past few weeks it has seemed to me that I am not getting the response I want. I was actually laughed at for a post I shared on Facebook. My dependence on my husband for income has sent me into spirals of anxiety if anything ever happened to him. Frustrations have been building because I have not been motivated enough to do the work required to get my website where I want it to be. That is not me!
My own family seems to be manipulating me into feeling bad about not doing something that is just not possible. When my grandma went to the hospital, my mom flew in to see her and she wanted us to be there as well. We live 8 hours away, and were hit with 2 snow storms, and there are dangerous mountain passes between here and there. Then there’s also the fact that when I am around my mom she makes me feel like a loser. I love my grandma and I have been struck with guilt for not being there.
Being a negative Nancy…
No offense to anyone named Nancy! It is just something my sisters have said to me, just a saying we’ve all heard before. My thoughts have made me become so negative. All of my misplaced anger, anxiety, and frustrations are all thoughts that have been overwhelming me to the point of wanting to just curl up in a ball and hide. Let me just distract myself until all of this passes. That’s not how it works. That is a form of depression.
My family is not attacking me. I’m allowing my negative thoughts to overwhelm me. Is my husband and children really against me and think I’m such a bad mother and spouse? No, but I’ve let my thoughts tell me that. I’ve allowed so many of my bad thoughts change me into someone I am not and I don’t want to be.
Day 1 – Realization
The first step for me to pull yourself out of depression is to realize you are depressed! I have realized that I am not the person I want to be. The anger I’ve dealt out is because of my own shortcomings. This website isn’t going anywhere because I haven’t been putting in the work. It’s been something I have put off by distractions and thoughts that I just can’t do it. Thoughts of self-doubt…I’m not good enough, I’m not a good mother, spouse, writer, or fill in the blank… Do you feel this way sometimes? I have been so much so that I have stopped doing anything!
Now that I’ve realized that I don’t want to be this person anymore, where do I go from here? Where I started, was to get rid of negative thoughts! It is easier said than done, but I have chosen to give it to God. Prayer for me has been a great way to get back to being thankful for everything I do have in my life. Three beautiful and unique children, a loving husband that supports my endeavor to make money online, a roof over our heads, food in our refrigerator, money in our account, and so much more!
I have realized that I have been in much worse situations than this, and I am still here. Realizing that life doesn’t stop around me, but I can stop the life I’m living from getting better if I just sit around and do nothing. My realization that it is not fair to my family when I take out my own negativity on them. They deserve better than that from me, and I also deserve better for myself.
Getting back to basics…
Now that I have faced the fact that I have been depressed over the last few weeks, if not more, I can take more steps to get out of it. It is a hard battle ahead. Things won’t just miraculously get better if I just sit on the couch doing nothing, but if I want to be a person I love to see then I need to do the work. Even God won’t do it for me. He tells me that He has a great life planned for me, but I still need to put in the work. Work in my belief, especially in God and myself. Belief in what I am capable of. A belief that I am worthy of the blessings I pray for. Let’s get back to basics and start with positive thoughts and prayers!
No matter what you believe in, I think we can all agree that depression starts with negativity.
We can do this!
I have started day one to get out of my depression by starting to change my thoughts! Change the negative to the positive. Realize that everyone is not against me. I have been my own worst enemy, but I’ve realized that if I want to get better I need to start loving myself more. If you are here for help to get through depression, then let’s do this together. We can do this, and you are not alone. Don’t compare our suffering, but join me in a journey to be a better person. To get to a better place than we are now. To live a life to the fullest! Do you want to pull yourself out of depression? I am ready! Let me know in a comment below if you are too. You can even subscribe to my website to follow my daily updates on my goal to beat depression! Thank you for being here with me, and best of wishes to us all!
Truly your friend,
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